the envelope

i have an envelope.
the contents of this envelope will change my life.
i will guard this envelope like john travolta guards his sexual orientation.
i've placed the envelope in 50 different locations, each time trying to figure out the perfect place. i needed somewhere that the envelope could be safeguarded from the elements and protected from thieves (i live next to newark). i've tried everywhere. i even placed it in the closet (as this has been a trustworthy stronghold for john as well). i finally settled on- actually i can't tell you... thief.
we all have fantasies- winning the lottery, retiring young, kidnapping winona ryder and chaining her to a radiator- simple dreams for simple people.
never in my wildest dreams (mostly consisting of chaining celebs to various objects *usually radiators, rocket ships, small explosives or the front of britney's car* for various reasons *they are goodlooking or more likely, i hate them* ) did i think that i would have an evelope with a document that held so much power.
remember how happy charlie was when he got that golden ticket (you know... the part before he realized that the whole chocolate factory might as well been a giant white van with willy wonka hanging a giant herseys bar out of it)? thats how i felt when i got this envelope.

it is with great pleasure and mediocre prose that i announce the fact that VINCENT GALLO will be in nyc on december 7th. and i have a ticket. i have a ticket to see VINCENT GALLO, and the hard copy of this ticket is in my possesion. you should get tickets to see VINCENT GALLO. we can all see VINCENT GALLO- the greatest actor, director, writer, musician, dancer, republican, painter, mammal, of this or any generation.

for additional information regarding this generation defining moment, i refer you to: http://www.rriiccee.com/

the return...

i have returned to continue to write the history book that is vincent gallo's blog.
my absence should not be misconstrued as vincent gallo's fault, as he remains productive as ever. it is, in fact, my stupid fault- a mix between my own sloth and pure stupidity. i had to return because i feel the tides of the liberal media strangling america..
listen close.
do you hear that?
help.
help.
help.
that's america pleading for assistance. that is this great country crying as obama dances on ellen.
i must continue this vincent gallo blog so that we can once again regain the supremacy that america had.
i don't want my children growing up in a society where they would be exposed to wooden politicians dancing with pants-suited pseudo-comediennes.

i present to you a clip of vincent gallo.
in this clip, we view the finest actor of our generation or any generation for that matter. with only a few words, vincent goes through a range of emotions that most hollywood actors cannot emote. do you see josh harnett pulling off stuff like this? no you see him with that stupid squint in EVERY scene. although we may not be able to exterminate josh, we can sit back and enjoy our clip of the day
vincent gallo

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listen. do you hear that?
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
that's my voice saying this, that's your voice saying this, that's america saying this.